Offers That I Find Easy to Refuse.

For the past two or three years, my phone has been ringing with a very specific kind of enthusiasm.  Several times a day — three, sometimes five times — I receive calls and texts asking if I’m “ready to sell my property at_____.”  It’s a property I do not own, nor ever owned.  A property that exists only in the imagination of whoever first decided my number belonged to a motivated seller.

The messages come in waves: cheerful, urgent, persistent.  Some sound like they’re offering me a golden opportunity.  Others read like they’re doing me a favor.  All of them are wrong, and all of them go unanswered and will forever go unanswered.

I’ve learned to recognize the numbers instantly because they are always marked as “spam” calls.  They rotate the numbers, of course—these operations always do—but the tone is always someone who believes they’ve found a lead, when in reality, they’ve found a person who will never respond, never engage, never confirm or deny anything.  Silence is my only contribution to their business model.

I have a suspicion about how my number got into circulation, and woe be unto them for providing my number to evildoers.

It’s a running joke between me and everyone who knows I get those calls: another day, another imaginary property to sell, another hearty laugh.

And still, I never answer.  Not ever.

+click+ +delete+ and laugh.

Simple as that.