A Hobby for Mister Money Pit.

A Lesson in Compliance and Conservation.

Once upon a time in a land far away from where I am now writing this essay, I lived in an association where all bets were off on rules and logic.  You see, living in a homeowners’ association is supposed to mean order, maintenance, and shared responsibility (to a point).  In my former community, however, it meant living under the shadow of one homeowner’s misguided “help.”  We all called him Mister Money Pit because everything he touched cost the association more money, more repairs, and more headaches than if he had simply kept his hands in his pockets.  Every homeowner’s association has a character or two, but that association had a catastrophe.  He tinkered, he “fixed,” and nearly everything he touched ended up worse than before.  And for as long as anyone could remember, he was allowed to do it all.

Every winter for years, he oversalted the icy spots near the lobby door, which ruined the concrete sidewalk.  He shoveled snow into piles blocking easy access to exterior doors.  He periodically threw the swimming pool chemistry into chaos by overdosing the chemicals.  He twisted the hinges on the lobby door and every pedestrian door causing them to be misaligned, including the locks being nearly impossible to use.  He broke light fixtures, broke the lens of several fluorescent lights, drilled holes where no holes belonged, and left tools scattered around the common areas like landmines.  His tools were everywhere, behind shrubs, in front of his storage room, and hidden in locked mechanical rooms.  He treated the property like his personal workshop, and the results showed it.

He caused electrical shorts by plugging multiple industrial tools into a single outlet.  He shut off water valves without warning, leaving residents without water for hours.  He painted over rust instead of treating it.  He used the wrong screws, the wrong tools, the wrong materials just about every time.  He even tampered with the elevator machinery and fire alarms, because apparently nothing was off‑limits, and it kept him busy.  When confronted about hiring a professional?  Well, his signature line was “We can’t afford it!”  No, we couldn’t afford him.

He was hemorrhaging the community’s money, time, and ultimately, sanity.  His story is proof that a homeowner’s association must enforce boundaries, require professional work, and stop mistaking chaos for volunteerism.  Otherwise, one man’s hobby becomes everyone else’s disaster.  But for some reason, he was perpetually allowed to continue his operation.  Maybe nobody wanted to hurt his feelings.  Who knows?  No one said why.

He even routinely bypassed the board of directors, instead calling the management company directly to summon vendors for pumps, valves, and lights he had no authority to touch, even when he was told not to, and even more often after he had already made the situation worse.

In reality, Mister Money Pit wasn’t a volunteer.  He was a liability disguised as a helper.  His interference cost the community far more than professional maintenance ever would have.  His behavior was a reminder that good intentions don’t excuse bad outcomes, and that a homeowners association must enforce boundaries, compliance, and accountability, or risk letting one person’s hobby become everyone else’s financial burden.

If a community is to thrive, it must protect itself not only from neglect, but from the chaos created by those who refuse to recognize the limits of their own competence.

 

Loose Trash and Looser Rules.

When I lived at the Sage Pointe Condominiums, the truth was simple: there were no real rules.  The Declaration contained only a handful of vague guidelines, none of which carried penalties, financial or otherwise.  In practice, nothing had any teeth; no bite.

What we did have was the Infractions Team, a small group of older ladies who enforced whatever they personally disliked.  If something offended their sensibilities, it instantly became a “rule,” and the offending neighbor was told to cease and desist.  Their grievances ranged from the trivial to the absurd, such as declaring certain bumper stickers on residents’ cars to be violations simply because the messages clashed with their unholy beliefs.  Those errant residents were then threatened with legal action.

Meanwhile, these same enforcers stored their own holiday decorations, bicycles, and medical equipment in the common-area closets with complete impunity. They walked their dogs off the leash.  They grilled pork chops on their balconies with open flames.  They filled staircases with their potted plants.  No reprimands.  No consequences.  No surprise.  It was the classic Rules for Thee and Not for Me dynamic, and everyone knew it.

One of the few written directives concerned garbage disposal.  For years, printed signs were taped to the garbage-room doors in the underground garage.  They instructed residents to place all trash in securely tied plastic bags and to dispose of furniture and large items privately, never in the dumpsters.

As the buildings filled with more residents (there was an ebb and flow with the population), the dumpsters began overflowing just two days after pickup.  At a homeowners’ association meeting, a member of the Care and Upkeep Team scolded the community for tossing unbagged trash and furniture into the dumpsters.  The remarks were recorded in the official minutes.

A couple of weeks later, I went down to throw out my own securely bagged garbage.  I glanced into the dumpster, and there it was.  A mountain of loose junk: files, hanging folders, workbooks, an American flag, Navy memorabilia, and other unbagged débris.  Because the book titles were visible, it was unmistakably the personal clutter of the very same Care and Upkeep Team member who had lectured everyone else about dumping unbagged garbage!

It was a perfect illustration of the deleterious culture at Sage Pointe: rules for thee and not for me.  Others were expected to follow the posted guidelines.  Certain individuals, however, exempted themselves entirely.

They were special!

 

Time Blindness.

Once upon a time, my spouse was the President of our condominium association.  He was the designated point‑man for every vendor, handyman, contractor, and the property manager.  And without fail, something out there seemed to decide that the exact moment we sit down to eat was the perfect time for someone to call him.

It didn’t matter when we ate:

11:00 AM?  Phone rings.

12:15 PM?  Phone rings.

4:45 PM?  Phone rings.

7:30 AM?  Phone rings, because apparently breakfast is also fair game, too.

It was as if people had a sixth sense for when a fork was about to touch a plate.

Even the other board and committee members who should have known better seemed to be compelled to call precisely when we were eating, and not all of these calls were emergencies, either.

Appointments were no better.  If someone was scheduled to arrive at 9:00 AM, they absolutely, without hesitation, called at 8:15 AM to announce:

“I’m here.”

Not “I’m on my way.”  Not “I’ll be there soon.”  No.  They were already standing outside like a time‑traveling courier from the future.

And as if the mealtime ambushes weren’t enough, his phone also believed in a 24‑hour discipline of interruption.  Text messages arrived at 5:55 AM, before the sun, before coffee, before a bagel, and texts continued rolling in as late as 10:30 PM when we were just about to drift off to Sleepyland.  Ostensibly, the entire world has silently agreed that he was available at all hours, like a one‑man emergency hotline for condo‑related existential and non-crises.  I was convinced the only time his phone doesn’t buzz is when nothing in particular is going on in our home.  Oh.  It doesn’t ring or buzz when we are at Mass; our phones are turned off completely then.

It got to a point that I was convinced our condo was either:

  • bugged;
  • under surveillance by a secret intelligence agency; or
  • being monitored by people with remote‑viewing abilities who can see the moment we sit down with plates of food.

I’m kidding, and honestly, who knows?  But if someone knocked on the door the next time we even thought about lunch . . . I would’ve d just laughed.  I continued to laugh it off.

The most important part of this hilarity is that my spouse and the rest of the board at the time were doing an outstanding job getting the formerly poorly self-managed association back on the right track.  They were righting the ship . . .

 

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